Monday, August 3, 2009

Sadness

It is so hard to type these words. Almost as hard as it was to say them.

Oliver's gone.

Two days shy of his first birthday.

While Neil and I had prepared ourselves (as much as is humanly possible), it still hurts so much that words cannot begin to describe it.

Thank you so much for your support and thoughts throughout this journey.

Please continue to pray for us.


Sent from my BlackBerry

Posted by Bekka at 9:49 AM

70 comments:

  1. CassAugust 3, 2009 at 10:10 AM

    There are no words strong enough to express my sympathy. I am so, so sorry. "F*** SMA" is the prevailing thought in my mind, right now. I'm sure in yours, too. ((hugs))

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  2. Julie (Jantzen) WatsonAugust 3, 2009 at 10:36 AM

    I don't know if you remember me from highschool and church at Cornwell Drive, but I wanted you to know that I've been following Ollie's story and praying for you for a long time now. My heart breaks with you today. I'll continue to pray for your family.

    Julie

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  3. Janel Van SickleAugust 3, 2009 at 10:48 AM

    Neil, Bekka and family,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. No words can convey my sympathy for you. Know that I truly enjoyed taking care of your beautiful boy, and he will always have a special place in my heart.

    Janel

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  4. BethAugust 3, 2009 at 10:50 AM

    Oh, Neil and Bekka. I am so, so sad for you and your whole family. My prayers will continue to be with you.
    --Beth Mears

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  5. BrendaWAugust 3, 2009 at 11:12 AM

    I am so sad to hear he news. May god be with you to help ease your suffering. {{Hugs}}

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  6. Jennie LocatiAugust 3, 2009 at 11:14 AM

    Bekka, Neil, and family-

    I have followed your journey and have been so touched by your strength and courage throughout.

    Ollie has touched so many lives and had such an impression. I can only imagine the grief and heartache you are feeling and my heart breaks just thinking about it.


    You will be in our hearts and thoughts. Take strength from each other and the time you had with Ollie. Your memories will always be there.

    Heartfelt hugs from Seattle.

    Jennie Locati

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  7. JeffAugust 3, 2009 at 11:27 AM

    We will continue to pray for all of you. We have checked in on the blog from time to time. We too prepare for the day our daughter goes Home to be with Christ. We ache with you. Just know you are in our thoughts and prayers.

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  8. UnknownAugust 3, 2009 at 11:45 AM

    My prayers are with you and your family at this time. I have followed your story and wish I could offer you more comfort than mere words. Hopefully knowing that others are praying for you and grieving for your loss will bring you some measure of peace.

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  9. Murphy's LawAugust 3, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    Rebekka, I am crying for you. It's news that I've heard dozens of times, again and again, but it never gets any easier to hear. I'm so very sorry to read this. As much as you think you can prepare, you truly never can.

    Any time you want to talk, please email me, I can send you my phone number.

    I am so very sorry.

    ~Laurie

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  10. NateAugust 3, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    Very few words will comfort you at this time, but you are in our prayers. We share this experience with you and are here for you if you need us. :*(

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  11. Michael WallAugust 3, 2009 at 12:30 PM

    I was quite sad to learn of Oliver's passing this morning. Neil and I are coworkers (and good friends too), and I have been actively following his journey throughout the year.

    I offer my condolences to both of you, Neil and Bekka. I know how much it means to lose such a happy and lovable child. Oliver accomplished a lot during his year in the world, and there is endless joy in the photos too (my favorite being the "Junior Pavement Engineer").

    I have learned much about SMA throughout the time as well, and I will encourage anyone to undergo carrier testing prior to raising children.

    Michael Wall

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  12. AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 1:11 PM

    We have followed Ollie's journey and you have been and will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
    The Byrd Family (Yukon,OK)

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  13. UnknownAugust 3, 2009 at 1:18 PM

    Our heartfelt thoughts and prayers to both of you and your families.
    George and Brenda McSwain

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  14. Erin LambAugust 3, 2009 at 1:21 PM

    I can only imagine all that you and Neil are feeling right now; I just wish I could do something to ease the pain. Please remember you are surrounded by so many people who love, who support, who respect you so thoroughly for the life and the love you have given to Ollie and have shared with all of us. Thank you for bringing his inspiration into our lives. Sending you love and prayers, Erin.

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  15. AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 1:33 PM

    My name is Martin Bass and I work with your Mom at the Juvenile Center. Bekka, you went to school with both my kids at Hillcrest.
    You have my family's heartfelt sympathy during this time of great sorrow. Take comfort in knowing that Ollie is in God's hands now and suffers no longer. I just spoke with Karla last Thursday and she so enjoyed the time spent with you and Ollie. God bless.

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  16. Alice WilliamsAugust 3, 2009 at 1:44 PM

    Dear Bekka and Neil,
    I have been so inspired by your superhuman strength and love, and I will continue to pray that your family might receive some comfort during this time of uncomprehensible loss. My heart breaks for you, and my thoughts are with you.

    Alice Williams (Erin's friend)

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  17. LindaAugust 3, 2009 at 2:06 PM

    Oh no, we are so sad to hear this news. Our prayers are with you. Words can't adequately describe the pain, sorrow and grief of Ollie's passing. Love and strength, Linda, Manzoor and family

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  18. ExtraordinaryMommyAugust 3, 2009 at 2:06 PM

    I am so very sorry you have lost your little guy. My heart breaks for you - SMA is a terrible thing. I have just come to your site for the first time today - and hate that you have to go through this.

    I have friends who lost their son to SMA just last week. He was 6 months old. Maybe you can take some comfort in each other....

    www.thehawnfamilyweekly.blogspot.com

    Will be thinking of you and saying prayers.

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  19. AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 2:08 PM

    Bekka, Neil, Grant, Pam, Amanda, I have no words, as I have followed this little "Superman" and Super Parents journey, it has not been easy on me I cannot imagine what it is and will be for all of you, You all have made me grow so strong in my Faith, as i sit here and type I am totally out of control with emotions and tears, I too thought i would be prepared to read this and I am devastated, God Bless you all and give you the strenght to continue on without your little man. I and my husband are good friends of Pam and Grant and have followed little Ollie from the time of birth, through pictures email etc. and the first time i read the awful news but prayed that it was not right and that the test would come back with good news, but God had other plans for our little Ollie, he no longer is suffering he is looking down at all of you with those gorgeous eyes and watching over all of you.
    Love Tere & Ray. praying for all of you.

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  20. UnknownAugust 3, 2009 at 2:36 PM

    Your son's name was mentioned at church for prayer months ago. I am so sorry for your lost.

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  21. AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    Neil and Rebekka,
    I remember seeing that beautiful little boy in his stroller at the maintenance conference. I bent down and he had the prettiest smile and glowing, excited eyes. I just lost it right there in the vendor room knowing the struggle you were going through. There is know way in my mind humanly possible to deal with this loss. You have to rely on God's grace, strength, and comfort. For now we will"mourn with those who mourn" Rom12:15 but know that "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be know more death or mourning or crying or pain." Rev21:4. You will continue to be in my prayers.
    Scott

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  22. Holly & StephenAugust 3, 2009 at 4:22 PM

    Neil & Bekka, we are so sorry to hear about your loss. We're good friends with Philip & Amanda and through them we have seen a small glimpse of the joy that Little Ollie has been for all those who have come to know him. We are in prayer for both of you during this time of heartache and loss.

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  23. Renee' BushAugust 3, 2009 at 4:31 PM

    I can't tell you how much each of you have become such a bright spot in my life. Caring for Ollie was not only a joy, but a privilege. I thank you for allowing me to come into your home and love each of you. Ollie will live forever through you both.

    Renee'

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  24. AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    Your family remains in my prayers. I'm so sorry.

    Melissa Meyer (a friend of the Pittmans from Deep Gap/Gastonia)

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  25. UnknownAugust 3, 2009 at 5:33 PM

    Neil, Bekka, and family,

    I wish I had the magic words that would provide you the comfort that you need right now. I have followed Ollie and his journey through Amanda who was one of my co-workers. It is amazing how much your little hero touched so many lives in his short life. If there is anything that you need, please let me know (Amanda can contact me).

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Amy

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  26. Murphy's LawAugust 3, 2009 at 6:00 PM

    You have both been on my mind all day today. Look for those signs from Ollie. They will be there! Sending peace and love.

    ~Laurie

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  27. Tom and Shelly GiffordAugust 3, 2009 at 6:51 PM

    We are so saddened by this news, that words are insufficient to convey it. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  28. EvaAugust 3, 2009 at 7:00 PM

    This is just such incredibly sad news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Big hugs,
    Eva

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  29. Lucy and EthelAugust 3, 2009 at 7:57 PM

    I have just heard about Ollie from Rita Wright's blog.

    I am so sorry. As the mom of an SMA angel baby, what helped keep me upright after Jeffrey earned his wings was reminding myself constantly that he was in the perfect place and doing just fine. WE were the ones stuck here and not doing so well, but as Laurie mentioned, the signs were truly a godsend.

    In fact, almost 12 years later, we still have them. And they're still a godsend.

    Many hugs and prayers from North Carolina for the new stretch of your Ollie journey.

    Helen Baldwin

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  30. AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 9:18 PM

    I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy! I know how hard it is to lose a child! I lost mine 4 months ago! Even though it was not SMA that took my baby's life i still your pain! My prayers are with you, neil and your family and friends that knew Ollie!

    Sam

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  31. AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 9:47 PM

    hey, i was soooo sad when i got the texted saying that ollie past from drp. im soo sorry to hear that. im here if yall need anything. he is in a better place now. and he is up there with my mom and she prob. taking care of him cause she was a nurse. jkjk. trying to help. well let me know if yall need anything maria and pansy both have my number. luv yall much allison corpuz.

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  32. UnknownAugust 3, 2009 at 11:21 PM

    I can't explain how sorry I am to here that your sweet angel earned his wings! You all are in my thoughts and prayers! (((HUGS)))

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  33. Garry & VallieAugust 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM

    My Dear Neil & Bekka,

    How sad in heart I am for you at this time. I can only imagine the emotions you are experiencing knowing Ollie has been released from his infirmities but in the process has slipped beyond the veil. In my minds eye, I can see Ollie toddling free in the heavenly realm joyfully greeting & interracting with other children and Jesus in the midst of them welcoming Ollie to his new home.

    I am so glad for you that the Good Lord saw fit to let Ollie's final hours be there in his own loving environment with his Mama & Daddy being able to hold him in his departing minutes.

    Truly for ever parent a child plays a role in shaping the direction of their lives and for you two as short as Ollie's time here on earth was, I am sure it will affect the course of your lives in a positive way for the rest of your days here just as you affected his life in a positive way all of his days with you.

    You remain nearly constantly in our thoughts and prayers as you journey through this time of sorrow: "May the Peace of God that pasteth all understanding keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" phil. 4:7

    Love ya!

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  34. CureSMA4StellaAugust 4, 2009 at 12:03 AM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I just found Ollie's site for the first time today and what a beautiful angel he must be. As you said, I'm sure nothing could totally prepare you for your loss today and likewise, I wish I had the perfect comforting words for you. :( Please know you will be in my prayers. While it's difficult to cope, I hope you find comfort in knowing that Ollie is dancing and playing in heaven tonight. I'm so sorry . . .
    Sending you hugs from Iowa,
    Sarah and Stella (Type I SMA)

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  35. UnknownAugust 4, 2009 at 12:23 AM

    We are very sorry to hear this. Know we are thinking of you at this time and send all of you healing energy.

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  36. Maria B.August 4, 2009 at 12:25 AM

    I'm so sorry about your son. I'm very sorry, too, that I didn't know about this site before today and get to know your baby. Our deepest condolences...

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  37. UnknownAugust 4, 2009 at 12:48 AM

    Becca aNd Neil, my thoughts and prays are with you. Oliver was the cutest thing and laugh at all my funny faces.
    Ashley

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  38. Victoria StrongAugust 4, 2009 at 1:44 AM

    I am so, so sorry. Your darling Ollie was beautiful and your love for him is palpable. Bill and I talked about you and sweet Ollie today. If there is anything we can do, please don't hesitate. You are in our hearts and our thoughts.

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  39. HeatherAugust 4, 2009 at 9:59 AM

    I've been following Ollie's story through Amanda's links on Facebook, and I'm so very sorry to hear that he's gone. My heart is breaking for the two of you and your families. You will be in my thoughts and prayers; I wish you comfort in this horrible situation.

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  40. The Arnold FamilyAugust 4, 2009 at 10:27 AM

    We are so sorry the pain and suffering you must be going through now. Ollie has been on our church's prayer list for months now. I know that he is in Heaven with Jesus and he is doing all the things he wasn't able to do here on earth. I pray that you will hold Jesus' hand here on earth while Ollie holds His other in Heaven and walk with Him until you see them both in Heaven.
    Jon and I will continue to pray for you as you grieve.
    Jonathan and Mary Arnold
    (NCDOT)

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  41. UnknownAugust 4, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    My thoughts and love go out to you today and as you work through this tough time. I work with your mother and, Rebecca, you went to high school with my older sister, Christina. Your mother has been gracious enough to share Ollie's story, pictures, and videos with me and his life has touched me so much. He is such a sweet angel and he has definitely made his mark upon this Earth. Again, I hope that you will find peace and comfort.

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  42. Torrey ReusserAugust 4, 2009 at 12:39 PM

    Neil and Bekka,

    Kristin and I extended our deepest sympathies and our strongest prayers for you and your families that you may gain strength from each other and from the Lord. I was devastated to read the news, but I take heart in knowing that Ollie received more love from more people during his brief time here than many ever get to experience. And I know that right know he is sitting in Jesus' lap telling all about you two and just waiting to see you again.

    God had a plan for Ollie, as he has a plan for you. I pray that you will not hide from Him and His love in this time of pain but will seek Him and trust on the promises of His Word.
    Romans 8:28, II Corinthians 12:9-10

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  43. AnonymousAugust 4, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    Bekka my heart just breaks for you and your family. Right now its hard to find comfort in words and prayers of sympathy while the pain of your loss is so fresh but eventually you will feel the comfort and joy in the fact that you were blessed with Oliver even for just a short time. I am so sorry for your loss and pray for you and your family daily.

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  44. AnonymousAugust 4, 2009 at 4:15 PM

    Bekka, Neil, and family,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Ollie brought so much to my life. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. I will talk to you soon. With much love, Kathy Hawley

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  45. UnknownAugust 4, 2009 at 9:15 PM

    I am so very sorry to hear that another SMA angel has earned his wings.

    Much love to your family at this difficult time.

    Love,
    Andrea Smith

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  46. Avery & HaileyAugust 5, 2009 at 8:26 AM

    Thinking and praying for you.

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  47. AnonymousAugust 5, 2009 at 9:53 AM

    My heart breaks for you. If you need to talk to someone who understands, I am always here. Ollie will always watch over you guys.

    Shannon Craver
    (mom to angel Hayden Grace)

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  48. zanicoleAugust 5, 2009 at 11:26 AM

    So very sad to hear the news of sweet Ollies passing. He was very loved by all, and your journey together has touched more lives that you could possibly know. I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts -- and keep spreading the word on SMA.

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  49. Christy ChruchAugust 5, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    I am so sorry to hear about Ollie. I only got to see pictures, he is a handsome little man!!! I work at Powder Horn, Grant is my boss. I just want to let you all know me and my family know what you all are going through, we Lost our precious daughter Kali last April 23, 2008 with (they say..)viral meningitis. It's very hard to get through each day, but it does get a little easier. If you, Bekka need to talk to another Mommie please feel free to get in touch with me. God will get you all through this.. That's the only way we make it from day to day.. God Bless!!

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  50. three feet highAugust 5, 2009 at 12:47 PM

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. I just came to your site for the first time after Alexa at Flotsam wrote about Ollie and wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you not just today on Ollie's birthday but often.

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  51. AnonymousAugust 5, 2009 at 1:51 PM

    I am so, so sorry to hear about Ollie's passing. I also came here from Alexa's blog. I'll be keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

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  52. JuneAugust 5, 2009 at 1:59 PM

    I just clicked over from flotsam and am crying so hard. I didn't know your son but he is gorgeous and looks like the most darling boy. My son is about the same age and the pain of losing your child is unimaginable. I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts, all day, and thank you (and Alexa) for raising awareness of SMA.

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  53. Jen in OhioAugust 5, 2009 at 2:51 PM

    SO sorry for your loss. Ollie is a beautiful boy!!!

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  54. Aunt BeckyAugust 5, 2009 at 3:24 PM

    I am so, so, so sorry.

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  55. VeronicaAugust 5, 2009 at 3:32 PM

    I'm so so sorry. xx

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  56. Betty MAugust 5, 2009 at 3:36 PM

    Another person here from Flotsam to say how very sorry I am for your loss.

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  57. NewtAugust 5, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Ollie was a beautiful, beautiful baby.

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  58. Elena LoweryAugust 5, 2009 at 5:29 PM

    I am truly so very sorry for your loss. Ollie is such a beautiful happy baby boy. He is now a beautiful happy healthy little blue eyed Angel. God is holding your special gift now until it's time for mommy and daddy to return home. Thank you for sharing your amazing little Ollie with the world. He is a blessing.
    You have a lot of beautiful photos and special moments that will stay in your heart forever. He will always be with you.
    Love and Hugs, Elena

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  59. AnonymousAugust 5, 2009 at 8:31 PM

    Another person from Alexa's blog...

    I am sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.

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  60. AnonymousAugust 5, 2009 at 11:19 PM

    so very sorry

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  61. JenAugust 6, 2009 at 5:56 AM

    I am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss.

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  62. Kate GAugust 6, 2009 at 2:55 PM

    Came from Flotsam to say I'm very sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of Ollie.

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  63. (another) KarenAugust 6, 2009 at 8:28 PM

    Here via Flotsam - and at a total loss for words.

    So very, very sorry for your loss.

    Wishing you peace,
    (another) Karen

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  64. tipsymarieAugust 6, 2009 at 8:58 PM

    Found you through Alexa's (Flotsam) blog. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  65. Stephanie Jean-LouisAugust 7, 2009 at 1:41 AM

    I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son.

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  66. AnonymousAugust 7, 2009 at 7:16 AM

    God has called another special angel home. May He now wrap you in his loving arms as you face the future with a new gaurdian angel looking down over you with his big blue eyes and wonderful smile.

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  67. AmelieAugust 7, 2009 at 12:31 PM

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. I read about Ollie on Alexa's blog. He was so beautiful, and it is cruel that you lost him. You are in my thoughts.

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  68. JeannineAugust 9, 2009 at 2:12 PM

    Bekka and Neil,

    What a special boy Ollie was. Your love for him and his love for you and life touched so many lives, even those of us who never met him. My heart aches for you. You have done so much to raise awareness for SMA screening and Ollie's life will save others in the future. Your strength is inspiring to me and many other parents. Love to you both,

    Jeannine Herrick (Robin's friend)

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  69. TerrieAugust 11, 2009 at 6:32 PM

    Neil and Bekka, We are so very, very sorry for the loss of your little angel. Just know that he is in the arms of Jesus and will never feel any pain again.

    Love you all!
    Terrie Wooldridge (Yukon, Ok)

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  70. UnknownAugust 12, 2009 at 10:36 PM

    I am so sorry that for what you and your precious son have endured. I found my way here through Flotsam and I read through your archives. I think you must be very brave people -- you carry yourselves with grace.

    Oliver was a beautiful child, and your family is so loving and special. I cry as I type this and wish you a measure of peace. My thoughts are with you and with Oliver, who rests in the arms of God.

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