Remembrances of Ollie

Today is six months.

That does not seem possible.

Each day, Bekka and I are learning to live life without our little guy and both of us are emotionally at a better place than even a month ago. They say that time is the great healer - and that is true. It doesn't mean we don't spontaneously break down in tears sometimes or that we don't have days where it's hard to simply get going in the morning, but it's better.

Last year around this time things started getting rougher for the three of us. I read that post now and it's amazing how naive yet prescient it seems. I barely remember Ollie having such a rough go of it that early. I think this is mostly because it was so very bad later on. In February of last year, I only had an academic idea of what we were in for. Two months later we'd have our first trip to the hospital. 4 months after that, Ollie would be gone.

We miss him terribly, but we surely do not miss the damn disease.

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I want to once again thank all of the wonderful people that helped us through our year of joy and pain. We could not have cared for our little boy and kept our sanity and our hearts intact without the love and assistance from so many. Ollie's life provides the world such a great example of an "us" society rather than a "me" society. It's so important to remember that we are all on this ship together.

You know who you are and you are all beautiful people.

Ollie and the Holidays

More than a few times over the holiday season, someone said to one of us “Christmas must be really hard” or “Thanksgiving must have been tough”. I suppose in some respects that’s true.

Yet somehow, the whole experience was gently uplifting

Yes, we looked at pictures and cried. Yes, we watched as kids were passed around or tore into their shiny-wrapped boxes. And yes, it hurt (a little). At the same time, it made us so happy to see other's joy and to absorb just a bit of that. Christmas and kids go together like the proverbial peanut butter and chocolate, and that’s a good thing.

Still, Bekka and I asked ourselves many times: “How did we survive this so well?”

It wasn’t all roses, but there were more flowers than weeds. We didn’t decorate this year - in fact we didn’t even get each other gifts. What we did do was see friends and tell stories and laugh a lot. We saw family, and we laughed with them too. OK, so we cried some in there, but it was never melancholy. Sad at times, yes, but never melancholy.

The answer, I think, lies in Ollie himself and the way we chose to celebrate his time with us each and every day. One of Ollie’s nurses commented that she’d never seen a family stay so positive yet so realistic. It wasn’t easy, but we felt it was something we had to do for him and for ourselves. We knew there was an endgame. We knew that it was coming sooner rather than later – but that it wasn’t a reason not to enjoy every little moment of this precious life we had been given. The results were many beautiful little memories tucked away – memories that taken together far outweigh the big bad ones. Ollie almost made it too easy. He smiled that big toothless grin and used those great big blue eyes to draw you into his angelic little world.

We look back and marvel we were able to observe every major holiday with Ollie. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day (don’t think those weren’t special!) So many good memories for so many holidays. Remembering those times when our little guy was there to snuggle with – that’s what helped us get through what could have been a terrifying time.

I won't lie - we miss you terribly little man, but your time here was so special to so many. We’ll always have a Jolly Ollie Christmas in your honor.

Of Awesome People and Spaghetti Dinners

So today in Deep Gap, NC, the wonderful folks of the community and the Stewart Simmons VFD are having a fundraiser for Oliver. A spaghetti dinner and a raffle are on tap.

It's things like this...compassionate actions from complete strangers or those whose life Ollie has only peripherally touched that keep us going each day. There are a lot of wonderful people out there. It's easy to be bitter and cynical in today's world...there are lots of perfectly valid reasons (see previous post), but every time we get a check from someone we barely know (or don't!) or someone holds a fantastic fundraiser in honor of our little guy or brings dinner or just drops by to chat with Bekka during the day, it lightens the load a little bit.

Neighbors, friends, family, coworkers, strangers - so many people have stepped up to help. For that we thank you and will continue to thank you. It may take a few months to get that thank you card out (it may not even make it at all, I'm sorry to say), but please know from the bottom of our hearts we thank you.

It's going to continue to be a struggle and it's hard not being able to handle everything ourselves sometimes, but we are so thankful for the help. As much as of a challenge as it is to meet Oliver's daily needs and as tough as the loss of Bekka's job is, it would be so much harder without you.

Ollie had a two-thirds Birthday!

It's hard to believe that it's been 8 months since our beautiful baby boy was born!

Many of our closest friends and just about the entire Wolftrap Road cul-de-sac came out on Sunday (4/5) to celebrate this milestone in Ollie's life with us. Robin made a cute little Easter Bunny cake and the little guy racked up several gifts. It was a pretty big party...

Thanks so much to everyone that came out, it was wonderful to share this day!