Today is six months.
That does not seem possible.
Each day, Bekka and I are learning to live life without our little guy and both of us are emotionally at a better place than even a month ago. They say that time is the great healer - and that is true. It doesn't mean we don't spontaneously break down in tears sometimes or that we don't have days where it's hard to simply get going in the morning, but it's better.
Last year around this time things started getting rougher for the three of us. I read that post now and it's amazing how naive yet prescient it seems. I barely remember Ollie having such a rough go of it that early. I think this is mostly because it was so very bad later on. In February of last year, I only had an academic idea of what we were in for. Two months later we'd have our first trip to the hospital. 4 months after that, Ollie would be gone.
We miss him terribly, but we surely do not miss the damn disease.
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I want to once again thank all of the wonderful people that helped us through our year of joy and pain. We could not have cared for our little boy and kept our sanity and our hearts intact without the love and assistance from so many. Ollie's life provides the world such a great example of an "us" society rather than a "me" society. It's so important to remember that we are all on this ship together.
You know who you are and you are all beautiful people.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
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a few favorite Ollie memories:
ReplyDelete- sitting at the dinner table and hearing Ollie chuckle at and talk back to Mickey Mouse
- how much he liked to be startled... popping over the edge of the couch and watching his eyes go huge and then the BIG grin and chuckles!
- holding him on my tummy while he rubbed at my shirt sleeve seams
- how hysterical he thought Dave's face was!
- being told, in his language, to be sure I kept up rubbing his back!
Thanks for the update Neil...it's hard to ask just how you and Bekka are feeling sometimes (esp. in person) as we know my eyes tear up so quickly. Your eloquent words and insight are very meaningful and helpful to all who read them. You two are just such amazing people, really truly amazing. As was your little Ollie. I hope I never forget the many many lesions I've learned and the deep meaning this experience has had on my life. You guys are beautiful and we love you.
ReplyDeleteOllie never was able to "speak" with words, but he sure could let you know with a glance or with his little grunts if we was happy or irritated.
ReplyDeleteI'll never forget Erin helping us pack up to leave the hospital after his g-tube surgery. She tried to pick up his little stuffed horsey and his response was to make an angry sounding "unnhh" (probably the same one to tell you to keep rubbing his back) and swat her hand. It was too cute.
I lose count of how many times I think of Ollie throughout each and every day and night. I try to make myself remember the good times and the many blessings Ollie provided in my life and the lives of so many others. However, it's inevitable that my mind returns to the fact that my precious little grandson is gone from this earth....but not from our hearts and minds. I remember the very first time I held Ollie and yes, even the first diaper I changed. Ollie was the blessing we all had wanted for so long. Even the horrible SMA couldn't take away the beauty of this little boy...physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. My mind goes from the first time I held him to the last time I held him. That range of time was just way too short. When Ollie was in the ER the last time, his Papaw and Nana were leaving to get Mommy and Daddy something to eat. Papaw had taught him earlier in the day to wave "bye-bye". As we were leaving, we said and waved "Bye-bye Ollie...we'll be back in a little while". He looked up at both of us and took that precious little hand and waved "bye-bye" to us. Some people have asked, "Don't you think it would have been better if Ollie had never been born?" Well, it only takes me a second to say, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!" He was our grandson and we will ALWAYS be Ollie's Nana and Papaw. Despite all the heartbreaks during the past year and 1/2, there are thousands more good times that we will always remember. Thank you Ollie for being such a special grandson and for showing all of us true unconditional love. Help us never forget what you gave us while you were here and what you'll continue to give us always. I love you Ollie and always will....Nana
ReplyDeleteWe'll all miss Ollie forever, Neil. I was so looking forward to knowing him as he grew up. He was smart and brave, and most importantly he was loved.
ReplyDeleteYou and Bekka are loved too. We're always going to be there for you.
Ollie is missed so much. He has changed so many with that precious smile - when we get so wrapped up in life, which we all are guilty of, just thinking of him gives you a jolt of reality what this life is all about. We should appreciate and love each other so much - i know that is what he would want. I do love and care for both of you. Thanks for the reminder today - Love you guys and thinking of you.
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