Holiday Grief Bomb

There is a concept called a “grief bomb”. It’s a sudden explosion of emotion and memory related to a loss and is usually triggered by a small reminder. It could be a scent, the mention of a name, a piece of paper - or maybe a stocking for a little boy that only saw one Christmas.

We are traveling to Oklahoma for Christmas this year, but because we have two energetic 4 year-olds, we decided to go ahead and put up a tree and decorate the house a little. While I was at work, the kids were helping Bekka hang stockings. Being a smart and curious little girl, Penny noticed there was an extra in the box.

“Whose stocking is this, Mom?”

Bekka told her it was her brother Ollie’s stocking.

Penny asked, “Where is Ollie?”

“In Heaven" , Bekka replied.

Penny thought a moment and said, “I wish Ollie could come here.”

So do we little one, so do we.

This of course, set off a round of tears for Bekka and then another round for both of us when she told me the story in the evening. The kids know about Ollie – his pictures are everywhere, but at their young age they don’t completely understand yet.

The holiday season is fun and frenetic now with two little ones to bring boundless excitement and love to the occasion.  Kids make Christmas so special.

But the holidays are hard, too. They are harder than Ollie’s birthday. They are harder than the anniversary of his death. In the back of our minds this time of year, there is always a little sadness, a little melancholy. During the rest of the year, we think about and miss the little guy, but when Christmas rolls around, and that extra stocking is in the box, all of the “what-might-have-beens” in the world come rushing in.

The only solution we have found is to cry a little (or a lot), think about the good times we had that special Christmas, and then hug the sweet little munchkins that are his brother and sister as hard as we can. The challenges of the last few years have been many, and I have no doubt they will continue, but the rewards have been great. We are watching two beautiful children grow, we have many caring and wonderful friends and we are blessed with such a strong family.

This Christmas, let us remember those we lost in past years, but most importantly, let’s hug those we have with us today - and tell them how much we love them.

Click on the photo for memories from winter 2008

2nd Annual Carolinas Chapter Cure SMA Walk-n-Roll

Good Morning!

It's hard to believe it's been a year since our very successful first event. The SMA community in the Carolinas really appreciates all of the support that was shown and we are pushing forward to make this event bigger each year.

Like last year, the event will be held at Anderson Point Park in Raleigh.

Unlike last year, it's a little earlier in the fall and also being held in the afternoon in the hopes we will not have a freakishly cold morning (sub freezing!). 

Bekka has now set up our team for the event. If you have the time to come and walk or can donate to the cause, many children and adults with SMA as well as their parents and caregivers would be most appreciative. It's too late for Ollie, but so many still need help.

The walk is scheduled for October 11, 2014 from 1:00-3:30 at Anderson Point Park in Raleigh.

You can visit Ollie's Team Page to join or donate or you can create your own team if you like. General information on the walk can be found at the event's main page. 

We hope to see you there.

6 Years Since a Little Wonder was Born

Not much to say, really. Ollie would have been six today.

We still miss him, and we always will. Each year get's a little "easier", but that's all very relative. I will be forever thankful for the capacity of the mind to highlight the best memories of our time with Ollie and keep the worst buried a little deeper. Today is one of those days that the two fight it out, but that's OK. Life is made up of good and bad moments. That balance is what makes us human and helps us understand and empathize with others. Ollie taught us a lot of lessons like that.

We are thankful for his crazy little brother and sister that keep us so occupied and focused on the future. It will never stop the "what might have been's", but those two give us a whole different set of possibilities.

Love ya little guy!

Happy 4th Birthday to our Favorite Set of Twins

It's hard to believe, but yep, it's been 4 years since we ended an unbelievably stressful period of hospital stays for Bekka only to begin an even more unbelievably stressful chapter of hospital stays and surgeries for two tiny kiddos. Thanks to incredibly talented doctors and nurses, they both made it home.

When I say tiny, I mean tiny. 1lb 7oz for Penelope and 1lb 11oz for Isaak (or 650g and 780g for our hospital and foreign friends ;) That's what being born at 25 weeks and 3 days gets you. If you want to relive that, just follow this link: A one line blog post! and then click on newer below each post.

When Penny came home (nearly a month before due date), she only weighed a little over 5 lbs and when Isaak came home a month later (just after his due date), he weighed just over 6 lbs. Now they are both around 75th percentile. Amazing.

Thanks for all the support, love, wishes and prayers over the years. The kids are ecstatic as Grandma and Grandpa are here visiting from Oklahoma and Nana and Pawpaw will here this weekend. I predict a lot of spoilage.

I won't be so dramatic as to post "birthday" pictures today, but enjoy a couple from shortly after they came home (when they would have been full term):

And a goofy picture from this morning when Grandma gave them Doughnuts for breakfast (What else are Grandma's for? Amirite?)

 And a couple of silly pictures: