Holiday Grief Bomb

There is a concept called a “grief bomb”. It’s a sudden explosion of emotion and memory related to a loss and is usually triggered by a small reminder. It could be a scent, the mention of a name, a piece of paper - or maybe a stocking for a little boy that only saw one Christmas.

We are traveling to Oklahoma for Christmas this year, but because we have two energetic 4 year-olds, we decided to go ahead and put up a tree and decorate the house a little. While I was at work, the kids were helping Bekka hang stockings. Being a smart and curious little girl, Penny noticed there was an extra in the box.

“Whose stocking is this, Mom?”

Bekka told her it was her brother Ollie’s stocking.

Penny asked, “Where is Ollie?”

“In Heaven" , Bekka replied.

Penny thought a moment and said, “I wish Ollie could come here.”

So do we little one, so do we.

This of course, set off a round of tears for Bekka and then another round for both of us when she told me the story in the evening. The kids know about Ollie – his pictures are everywhere, but at their young age they don’t completely understand yet.

The holiday season is fun and frenetic now with two little ones to bring boundless excitement and love to the occasion.  Kids make Christmas so special.

But the holidays are hard, too. They are harder than Ollie’s birthday. They are harder than the anniversary of his death. In the back of our minds this time of year, there is always a little sadness, a little melancholy. During the rest of the year, we think about and miss the little guy, but when Christmas rolls around, and that extra stocking is in the box, all of the “what-might-have-beens” in the world come rushing in.

The only solution we have found is to cry a little (or a lot), think about the good times we had that special Christmas, and then hug the sweet little munchkins that are his brother and sister as hard as we can. The challenges of the last few years have been many, and I have no doubt they will continue, but the rewards have been great. We are watching two beautiful children grow, we have many caring and wonderful friends and we are blessed with such a strong family.

This Christmas, let us remember those we lost in past years, but most importantly, let’s hug those we have with us today - and tell them how much we love them.

Click on the photo for memories from winter 2008