Wow. This is post 100 of our journey with SMA. We didn't ask for the trip, but we'll be on it the rest of our lives and I want to thank so many of you for making it with us.
It's hard to believe that so little real time has passed. In so many ways we lived years of time compressed into those few, intense months. Months of love and anger, joy and sadness and more than a little helplessness thrown in.
Something that struck me today was the relative normality of that last Sunday before our little guy passed on. Amanda hit on that in a post on her blog today. Ollie had a bit of rough spot that afternoon - in fact, we'd had to give him morphine at one point because he would not calm down.
After a nap and some very successful suctioning, he had a fantastic evening. He patiently watched "Lost" (as Amanda rubbed his back) and was a chatty little fella the rest of the night, never really seeming distressed and he stayed up until late in the morning with his night owl of a mommy.
I still maintain that was his last gift to his mom and dad. He was saying "It's going to be OK. I'm sorry to be leaving so soon, but please don't worry and thanks for being great parents while I was here. I love you guys!"
Perhaps that's reading rather a lot into it, but that's just the way Ollie was. He always seemed to know how to make us feel better. A wink, a smile, a little chuckle just when things seemed dark. He taught us about unconditional love.
Bekka and I had wanted a child for so long. Life threw us a curve ball with a beautiful, but flawed angel. It wasn't (still isn't) an easy time.
Was it all worth it?
Hell yes.
Monday, September 21, 2009
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I have learned of your story through Amanda, a wonderful person as well. I am not sure if you are a believer, but I pray that God will comfort you and your wife during this time. I know Ollie was here for only a moment, but he has impacted so many lives. He has made me appreciate life more and appreciate my family b/c you never know when your last moment with them will be. I see that Ollie taught you about loving someone so much and using that love to love others and teach others about the strength of love. I truly admire both you and your wife and I hope God will bless the both of you tremendously. I know nothing will ever replace your son, but know that you were his parents for a reason and his short stay on this earth was for a reason as well. Stay strong (as hard as that is) and be blessed!
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